never play flip cup with pint glasses
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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