Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
