Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
