I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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