Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
