my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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