I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
