1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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