Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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