i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
