Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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