The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
