I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
