I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
