Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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