i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
