I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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