Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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