Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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