The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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