tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
