i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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