Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
