You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
