her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Holy shit dude........stairs
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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