thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
