chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
