I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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