also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
