I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
