The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
