Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I touched a dick in church today
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
