i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
