When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
