bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
