I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
