you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
