The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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