you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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