just survived the first fart of the relationship.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
