you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
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