He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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