Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
