The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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