hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
