you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
