On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I am one with the molecules
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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