On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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