Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
