Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
