You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
