1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
so much tequila, so little girl.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
