That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
