Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
In America we eat man semen.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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