we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
