so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
