I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
