I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He shit in the fireplace
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
